He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
