May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
