My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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