Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Too much gin, very little bucket
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
