I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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