Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
