i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
