bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
