Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
