you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
