How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
