I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
