Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
