I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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