And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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