i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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