I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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