She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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