Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
