Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
