I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
