Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
