is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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