I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
