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My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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