If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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