Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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