matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
