He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
