Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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