We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
