I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
