My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
