Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
is that a dick in a sweater?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
