census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
