It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
