he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
