I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
