he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
