I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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