I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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