so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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