There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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