I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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