My nipple is on Facebook.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am one with the molecules
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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