Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
