I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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