Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
