when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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