Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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