i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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