Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
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buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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