Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
