john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
