proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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