You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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