Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
