Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
