First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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