You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
