So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
