I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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