When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
