so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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