Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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