You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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