Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
