mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
