Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
