His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
