Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
