1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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