I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
