I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
