i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
