I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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