Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
